I experience unrest daily. The traction of evolution has set in for me mentally and in my soul over the years. With 7 years sober I still do not yearn for alcohol but I still have the unrest. That uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've learned years ago that even with alcohol out of the way, it still doesn’t take away the mental defects. This rings true more than ever as I see myself becoming more of a hermit as I grow in success from my public endeavours. I’m very appreciative of my growth in this Hip Hop culture, as the Sober Emcee has transitioned to ‘The Sober Podcaster/Journalist’ However that pit in my stomach grows and the unrest remains. I know that trying to cope with the unrest with alcohol will open a whole other door of problems. That’s a door I’m trying to never open again, one day at a time.
I started writing this blog as one form of therapy in my first year of sobriety and it’s definitely helped me out. I’ve been told that it’s helped out others, which I’m extremely honoured and grateful for. However the unrest still remains. I meet more women but make less real connections. As we have now fully immersed ourselves in the social media world and meeting women through Tinder and Bumble is something that happens with ease at times. Going to bars to meet drunk women is a thing of the past and I’ve discussed the relationship issues that a sober alcoholic can have (see entry 42 ‘Love & Liquor’ http://bit.ly/2jzUcAp). The issue that happens is finding someone, alcoholic or not, that sticks. I know I can attribute a big part of this to myself and the aura and vibe that I’m beginning to give off due to this unrest. Smoking a hundreds backwoods with the finest weed won’t help either by the way, just saying.
So what now? A good friend suggested that I go seek therapy many times and this is something that I am actually exploring as we speak. A lot of us deal with mental health in many ways, whether it’s through alcoholism, depression or both. Going to speak to an unbiased and impartial professional is a good thing. And for anyone like myself that is dealing with this ‘Unrest’ I feel it’s necessary so that we can finally get ‘Real Rest’.