This entry is dedicated to my exes, as well as all of the ex-wives and girlfriends around the world who have had to deal with the turmoil of an alcoholic husband/wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. The is help for you just like the is help for us alcoholics, please contact Al-Anon at http://al-anon.org/
I have changed the names of the people for this blog entry in order to protect their identities. I feel that they deserve their privacy with this being a widely read public blog and I feel that I put them through enough when I was swigging the bottle.
I used to be a mess when I was a drunk. To a degree I can still be one sometimes with the alcohol 6 years removed.The road of alcohol nights and hungover days is said to be a lonely one but somehow us alcoholics always convince some poor soul to travel this chaotic path with us. Over my double decade alcohol fueled tirade I managed to drive multiple women to insanity, a lot of times simultaneously. The ones that I had long term relationships had to deal with the worst of it.
Fidelity has always been a big issue for me, even after I put down the bottle. I used to come up with every excuse in the book to go to bar without my girlfriend. I figured I was going to get drunk and be super charming and God forbid some other drunk girl at the club not benefit from said charm. That liquid charm put me in many a one night stand that I had to provide just as many excuses for in the morning to my girlfriend at the time. While drunk I wasn’t safe to be left alone. I used to use MSN and a mickey of vodka to create chat room charm that would create many a late night rendezvous with women other than my girlfriend. I was caught many times and I had to cover up lies, I had to chase women out of my apartment before she arrived to fight both of us. Oh ya we all know about the stabbing incident. Read Entry #21 'The Blackouts Part 2' If you want the whole story.
For most alcoholics solitude is golden! Those were the times I could drink as much as I wanted without having the girlfriend watching the amount I would intake. I never wanted to hear caring criticisms like; “How much have you drank tonight?” or “ Haven’t you had enough for the night?” When the girlfriend was around I would have to cut down my drinking or not drink at all. That would drive me crazy! I would lie and tell her that I just had a small bottle of vodka around, that she would see. However I would have other bottles hidden in spots around the apartment that I would sneak sips of when she went to the washroom. When I was alone I could get drunk in front of my computer until I passed out, or I’d finish my alcohol and jump in a cab at 4am to the after hours nightclub.
In the after hours anything goes. This is where I could buy alcohol until 6am and pick up fast and crazy alcoholic women, most of them high on cocaine, ecstasy and/or a plethora of other designer drugs.
I drove my exes crazy wondering where I was or who I was with. I’ve had ex girlfriends come down to the after hours looking for me, just to see me hugged up with some loose chicks. As well as being so drunk that I’d see her in triple vision sometimes.
I’ve had many crazy nights in the various Toronto downtown and uptown AFTER HOURS night clubs. If they were open on Saturday night, I was there, on a Tuesday night, same thing. I’ve hung out popping bottles with crazy women for so long some mornings that the owner had to kick us out.
Ultimately if you are the spouse of an alcoholic then this is for you. It’s like getting in a car on a smooth ride to a beautiful valley, until the car turns into a rollercoaster and loops the couple into a hellish joy ride
.For that we are deeply and truly sorry. I advise any woman to leave or seek help, maybe from someone outside of immediate friends and family. If you’re currently dating, married or engaged to someone like my former self and countless alcoholics across the world you’re definitely going to need that help. Especially if your spouse gets physically abusive then the sooner the better. Alcoholics Anonymous and Al- Anon
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