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ALL OR NOTHING

THE SOBER EMCEE

ALL OR NOTHING

Kofi Carmichael

Being the Sober Emcee can be a heavy responsibility to bare sometimes. I've been a part of the scene for while now here in Toronto and there is a lot of nightlife that goes on in this city. For the past 5 years I've been able to go to clubs and afterhours in the face of several bottles of liquor and still not have the desire to have a drink. For that I feel blessed! I've learned in the rooms of the 12 steps meetings that everyone's path is different on the road to sobriety. Sometimes not everybody makes it.

For the most part the people that I surround myself with are not heavy drinkers. They can hold their liquor and party when its get together time. I've become a sponsor (Sorta) over the years, however my sponsee would need to make the decision of "All or nothing" when it comes to this tricky alluring force called Alcohol. All or nothing for me means that I have to know that I'm going to probably be one of the only people at the club not drinking or drunk. Yes we have the designated drivers in the club too, but half of them are drinking anyway and girls who are usually prudes (Joking...maybe). All or nothing means being more selective with the women I talk to and the fact that it might be an issue that I don't drink, inturn making it hard to get to the naked twister. I don't get wasted on my Birthday or on New Year's eve and when I toast with someone in the club I'm tapping the glass with my bottle of water.

Don't feel sorry for me though because for me the trade off for the so called sacrifices, is my life. I know I am an alcoholic and am fully accepting of my alcoholism and know that if I drink to have the aforementioned pleasures, that indulgence will be my eventual demise. I still have fun when I go out I've learned that my charm with women didn't come from the bottle and learned to channel my inner mojo. Those are temporary pleasures to me and I'd rather my life. Plus I can still have all that shit anyway, have a focussed and clear night (and morning) as well as remember the memories that I'm creating in my life.

Over the years I've seen a few friends try to get on the path to sobriety. Some going to rehab and then coming home and saying; "Hey I've learned to control it" now feeling that they can do an alcohol cut down program. Hopefully that works because I'm very aware that "All or Nothing" isn’t a small thing. I've brought a friend to 12 step meetings upon their request and seen what I thought was enlightenment. Maybe there was but after a few dry days the bottle won. I've watched a once close friend now get to the point where I can see the rock bottom in him.

Alcohol has diminished him and may have him completely homeless, dead or in jail if he doesn't seek help immediately. The most I can do is try to be an ear if needed or a word if my advice is asked for. For the third mentioned situation I can't do anything, I fear that he just won't make it. This can be hard but on the road to making my life more productive within my sobriety, I can't help everybody. Until these cases realize that they are a part of a worldwide group of us who've realized that we are powerless over alcohol and it has no longer made our lives manageable. Basically step 1, admitting the alcoholism. Until that step is taken and these cases realize that there is no such thing as the Cut Down Program for us alcoholics, I can only provide help through example. I can’t go out of my way. My phone is on for 2 out of the 3 cases but unfortunately I will not be going out of my way. Hopefully they seek the help they need and with that and some time in sobriety, maybe I can add on as (hopefully) an experienced sober assistant. For now though they're on their own, hopefully they read this blog as it has been recommended on a few occasions. Until they want to be saved and take the steps towards helping themselves, I can’t make them stop drinking, only they can. Therefore unfortunately I can't save everybody.

Bless